30 May 2005

Virginity in the Ever-Changing Times

"Well, how good did you expect me to be? It's my first time, you know!"

Sex is interesting.

Not just for the obvious reasons. But also because the topic provides endless insights into the way society influences and conditions people into thinking the way they do.

The additional complication is that society itself is dynamic. Society keeps changing, but the thoughts, morals and beliefs of those who had been previously conditioned don't always evolve at equal speed.

Today, we have a 2nd-year NUS economics student writing in the Straits Times about the merits of virginity. Let's just take a quick look.

May 30, 2005 - A shame that virginity has gone the way of the dodo.
By Lee Wan Yi

Whatever has happened to saving one's virginity till after marriage?

Lest I am labelled a prude, let me say that I have no problem with people who have pre-marital sex. It's their choice, just as it's mine not to indulge in it.

I am neither conservative nor repressed - I simply know what I value. Virginity is the best gift a woman can present to her husband.
The important question for Lee Wan Yi is -

what if the man doesn't mind? I think that today, many men, when choosing a bride, would not regard the virginity or otherwise of the potential candidate as an important criterion. The woman's virginity thus may not be much of a gift for these men.

The other interesting question is -

if virginity is the best gift a woman can give her husband, is virginity also the best gift that a man can give his wife? If not, why not? The answer probably has something to do with old-fashioned notions pre-dating feminism. You know. The days when women were ... not equal.

I also wonder whether Wan Yi is aware that female virgins command a much higher price in the prostitution trade. (To such extent that some unscrupulous pimps have the hymens of their women restitched again and again, so that they can pass off as virgins and fetch more money).

Why do virgins command a higher price? Ummm. I hate to be crude. But I think it is at least partly to do with the customer's anticipated greater satisfaction. A virgin's vaginal passage is tighter and will therefore be more pleasurable to the man.

If Wan Yi realised that the value of a woman's virginity lies at least partly in this lusty idea, then I think she might (rightfully, as a female) feel more than a little revolted. And she might think less of the merits of virginity as a gift to her future husband.


Han said...

I find the distinction between 'pre-marital sex' and 'post-marital sex' to be arbitrary and without a basis in fact (apart from the fact that the latter doesn't exist... lol).

As to whether a virgin is tighter there, I can safely say that its an urban myth, also without a basis in fact. One of those strange ideas I'd attribute to Batam-visiting ah peks... heh

Furthermore, I find it hilarious that Lee Wan Yi, without any careful thinking, so neatly objectifies her body into 'a gift' for 'her husband'. I'm sure her husband would be happy to receive such a gift, neatly boxed and wrapped and put under the Christmas tree.

I think women could do well not to be like Lee Wan Yi. With women like her, who needs patriarchal oppression?

Anonymous said...

Wah... Virgin as gift also kenna condemn S'porean men very hard to please man. lol

Gilbert Koh aka Mr Wang said...

I'm surprised you saw it that way. Perhaps you have to think more carefully about who's setting higher expectations for women here.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I believe this is more of a personal choice than anything else. Although, it is very interesting for me to notice that the general consensus here seems to be that virginity is no longer considered important to guys. I can't say I'm not surprised by that.

And, um shianux, "I think women could do well not to be like Lee Wan Yi. With women like her, who needs patriarchal oppression?" seems a tad too heavy. ^^ It is her personal choice after all, and if she is happy with it, then good for her, yah? :)

Anonymous said...

Yes it is her choice, even though I don't agree with objectifying virginity as a gift for one's husband. I suppose the best thing that could happen is that she meets someone who (1) appreciates that gift and the feelings giving rise to it, (2) sees something more in her, and in any girl, than the so-called gift of virginity.

tscd said...

I think that chastity is a very underrated virtue.

Anonymous said...

am i the only one around here who thinks experience is "worth more"?!

Gilbert Koh aka Mr Wang said...

I think that between promiscuity and virginity, there is a huge middle ground which Wan Yi decided to ignore.

Han said...


I think that chastity is a very underrated virtue.

That statement presupposes that chastity is a virtue. Is it really?

The real funny thing is that the obsession with 'virginity' as a physical phenomenon leads to unintended consequences such as a shift in sexual activity among the young towards oral and anal sex. This is particularly true amongst the newly religious young.

In terms of health risks, anal sex is much more serious in terms of possible harms as transmission of infections is much more likely.

I think the real issue is a lack of critical thinking amongst those who unthinkingly accept 'virginity' and 'chastity' as certain and specific values, rather than the culturally patriarchal concepts that they are.

Jayce said...

Chastity is a virtue, in the sense of purity. Say someone had pre-marital sex with the man she loves, it does not mean that she, as a person, is unpure. She can have all intentions to marry this guy and coupulating before marriage is jus a way of creating a closer relationship.

I know of a virgin, who gives blowjobs, enjoys anal sex and all sorts of kinky stuff. but she has yet have penetrative sex. so how chaste is she??

And have anyone read today's TODAY? look out for the article "The female orgasm, the mate-selector?" it's one more reason for us girls to enjoy and not feel ashamed about sex.

Anonymous said...


the gift of virginity being that of a tight pussy, then she got it all wrong, Letting your husband have its way with your backdoor IS the greatest gift of them all.

Lee Wan Yi is just a whore, whoring out her virginity in exchange for some intangibles.